or to be naught ... as I am

To be
or not to be
or to be naught
...as I am

I see what I don't
with these eyes that are naught
The world lives outside
of this cage that I've wrought

A length holds me here
I will fly nevermore
Forever at anchor
on a fog shrouded shore

Freedom? remote;
for it isn't to be
A prisoner held
but the keeper is me

Living my hell
in a gray, self imposed
feeling no more
with a heart long since closed

Pity me not
no, no tears to be shed
I knew what I did...
at least, that's what I said

Fly away. Leave me
alone in my grave
No resurrection;
there's nothing to save

My due has been served
and the piper has come
At the end of my chain
I am comfortably numb.

photo courtesy Lauren Weyland and Bryn Oh



I pour, I drink
I choose to think
I seek the brink
and peer beyond

I seek the truth
inside my youth
(long in the tooth
my youth begone)

knows naught of me
I look to see
what can be drawn

I walk back to
what I once knew
when I withdrew
and this become.

photo courtesy Suzen Juel


Here I sit (what I've become)
Master of what I survey
Naught of value

Here I dream (what may be?)
looking beyond what holds me
looking beyond my future

I see the world
out of reach
out of focus
out of patience with me...
... and I shrink
I fade
I wither
I realize...
... it must be me
that cares
that pushes
that dreams

For, if not me then
I am lost.

photo courtesy of Suzen Juel


Lost to me
hidden in a place removed from
all that I understand

I reach out
... to touch
... to feel
... to regain something
that I can no longer find

Once here, once real, once...
was it mine?
"once mine"?
the words feel foreign, distant, false

Can I claim as mine what I cannot touch?
what I cannot feel?
what I cannot...
or can I?
Is it gone, or am I?
Am I here?
am I real?
Am I?
Was I?

Or, was I the dream
hidden in a place removed from

photo courtesy Suzen Juel

Dreaming of you

Dream I now of holding close
the warmth I've drempt of times forgotten
Feel I now the skin so supple
drown me with a heady joy

Think I now of words so tender
spoken with a voice so true
holding in my mind, the image
Dream I now of holding you