No excuses

Merely a shadow of what it once was
it remains
Twisted, perverted, some say
it remains

but, also remains a sense, a spirit, a vestige
you know it, as do so many others

In the disdain felt when looking upon the way it has been changed
In the joy felt when looking upon the way it lives on
In the wishes given, received, shared
In the present that isn't quite right
isn't perfect, but...

It is still here
and you know it.
you keep it alive in your way
and I keep it alive in mine

It's holly and jolly
It's deep and morose
It's lonlier than it used to be
It's so much better than it used to be

It makes you feel
or it makes you want
or it makes you someone you haven't been all year
except for now

I make no excuse when I say
Merry Christmas.

2015/12/25

Apart

Once, I sat and felt the warmth;
peered into the summer's breath;
wandered amongst the grasses caressing my ankles
while the pedals stained my skin with pollen
until the next breeze whisked it away

Once, I knew the world was mine;
All that there is and will ever be
lay waiting for my arrival
lay waiting
and waits still

The window is closed
the curtain holds me at bay
my welcome is in question
and I don't want to know
does it wait for me still
to come
or to be sure that I won't

2015/12/25
photo credit Garnet Psaltery

There...

off in the distance
I know I'll be there
I feel you calling
your warmth, inviting

I'll be there
when I can
when where I am becomes where you are
when the stars align
when the ships pass in the night
I'll come to you, be with you

Will you be there, still

2015/12/25 
photo credit Whiskey Monday

Where were we?

The chairs are there
all of them, gathered together
happily facing each other, a warm circle
They must be.

The fireplace remembers the light
dancing across the happy faces
listening to the laughs, the stories

The rug can still feel the toes
running back and forth
kitchen to table and back

We were there
were there
were
we?

2015/12/25
photo credit to Tittertat

Shadows

As the last light fades, I think of you
Surrounded by fading lines, darkness walks in

The land and the sky cease to be two
Merging into one... like lovers in shadows

Sounds exist without form... not here... not there
The soft breathing might be mine... if I still exist

Time has no meaning, if it ever did

The lovers, once again, become two
Slowly they separate giving birth to a new sun

Some time in 2010

distance

There, in the distance
you are waiting for me
are calling me
reminding me that you are there

In the distance
that I'll have to travel
I'll have to transcend
have to overcome

The distance
has come to define me
come to confine me
separate me

Distance
fear
loneliness
hope

2014-07-27 image credit: NeedleNerd

The Nerd

Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered, weak and weary,
over many a quaint and curious posting of quite random word,
while I nodded, eyeballs rolling, suddenly there came a trolling,
As of some one quietly polling, polling for some thoughts unheard.
"Tis some daft oddball," I muttered, "polling for some thoughts unheard-
           Only this, so, not absurd."

I completely found it bitter, it was in the chat of Twitter,
And each separate word would glitter casting light from screen to curd.
Slow I ate my cottage cheese;- vainly I had sought to please
built my arguments with ease- tried to sway this loser nerd-
For the newb and naive poster whom the others call a nerd-
           Trolling here with every word

As the thread, quite sad, unfolded; some italics, some words bolded,
Thrilled me- filled me up with typographic errors never heard;
So that now, my mind a-racing, fingers on the keyboard tracing
"Tis some oddball daftly trying to enjoin my written word-
Some poor cretin daftly trying to enjoin my written word;-
           Baiting me with thoughts absurd.

All at once, resolve grew stronger; I could hold my thoughts no longer,
Tweeted I: "Don't get me wrong or take this for insult transferred;
Problem is, I'm sad to say, that I was simply a.f.k.
Catching up so that I may respond to what I thought I heard."
Reading back through what was said about the things I thought I heard;-
           No response. It seemed absurd.

Now I scroll back twice rereading, RSS my browser feeding,
Wondering, doubting, eyes are bleeding; from these thoughts my mind demurred.
But, still, that last post did hold; I hit refresh and backwards scrolled,
And nothing new did yet unfold.  What clue would I get on this nerd?
This I pondered 'til it echoed back into my ears: "this nerd."
           Taunting me. Just how absurd.

Clicking now upon the tab with facebook open, there to grab
A URL that will be fab about a zombie re-interred.
Back I go to Eve Online to change my troubled state of mind;
Avoid the thread that has me blinded to the facts I thought I heard-
Maybe I can take a look back at the things I thought I heard
           I'll review the written word.

Back I go after a short while clicking on this lone nerd's profile
There to find an older geek style, talking about life deferred.
There was much about him to read, lots of links to video feed,
Things with which to get up to speed learning 'bout this loser nerd
Much more real this phantom had become, this ranting loser nerd
           In his profile, things inferred.

Untucked shirt, thick black framed specs, upon his desk a toy T-Rex,
And doubts about him having sex with anything not yet interred.
"TMI" did jump to mind along with so much more unkind
and hurtful phrases I did find there lurking in the comments stirred
Finding so much vile commentary there about this nerd
           In those comments, things inferred.

No longer could I hold my tongue, the pendulum once more had swung
And taken me to back among those that reply to what they've heard.
Typing now from in my fury; not done 'til I hit the last key;
pressed, I look back to see what he'll say to things inferred.
Reading now, I'm not sure that I should have said what I inferred
           Too late now, I've said my word.

Shaking now, I'd asked a question, based upon some wild suggestion
In his verbal indigestion rambling on from word to word;
He questioned, now, my line of reason; saying that I switch to please an
Ever changing sense of treason based upon my broken word!
How on earth could this vile creature ever say I broke my word?
           Shaking still, from the absurd.

Suddenly, a calm engulfs me; sitting back, I wait, look to see
What his well thought reply will be to my last veiled cut in word.
Drawn, I was, into his clever web of logic, his endeavor
To reduce me to whatever his intentions have conferred
Certainly some meaning's there that he is sure he has conferred
           Meaning that lays still unheard

Pensively, I still my fingers while this doubt, still now it lingers,
In my mind, the echoed "zingers," his attempts at questions cured;
Could it be that I have not been listening so I have not seen
Something clear and pure? Does this mean that I missed what has occurred?
Could it be that he has said that which to me had not occurred?
           Meanings that still lay unheard?

Taken by this thought of being bested by this one, unseeing,
idiot whose mind is fleeing; I am no longer deterred!
"Take this now!" I let my wrath go. What has hit him? He'll never know.
Now I stand! I state my case so he can see I've not demurred!
How can this fool think that I have backed off, that I have demurred?
           Striking back at the absurd.

"Troll!" said I, "your theories lack the backing of a single fact!
My premise remains full intact and you are just a whiney nerd!"
Steadfast, I am sure that he will see the logic of my plea
And recant all, this is the key to him not standing as a nerd.
Recant all, this is the path. Redemption from being labeled "nerd."
           But his reply? "I'm not a nerd."

"Troll!" said I, "your theories lack the backing of a single fact!
Why can't you see and take it back? You useless, little lonely nerd!"
Surely he can see my point! His ideas now fall out of joint
And all will certainly anoint me with the label "facts preferred"
Clearly I have made my point and all agree on facts preferred!
           But his reply? "I'm not a nerd."

Only then did I first see that still remaining: only me.
The rest had left this tragedy of train wreck, expertly chauffeured.
Guilty of this waste of day was only me; and, here I lay
where I belong.  The dues to pay for chasing arguments absurd.
The victim of a troll will pay for chasing arguments absurd.
           His last reply? "I'm not a nerd."

So, do I have a lesson learned?  The time I wasted, time I burned,
And raw emotions I have churned to fly after this phantom bird?
What can I say I have seen (intently staring at this screen);
And, all this time, well, I have been reacting to him, word for word?
This troll has dragged me through the brambles of his ranting word for word?
           OMG, I'm such a nerd.

2014-03-02 Thank you, Willfall