No excuses

Merely a shadow of what it once was
it remains
Twisted, perverted, some say
it remains

but, also remains a sense, a spirit, a vestige
you know it, as do so many others

In the disdain felt when looking upon the way it has been changed
In the joy felt when looking upon the way it lives on
In the wishes given, received, shared
In the present that isn't quite right
isn't perfect, but...

It is still here
and you know it.
you keep it alive in your way
and I keep it alive in mine

It's holly and jolly
It's deep and morose
It's lonlier than it used to be
It's so much better than it used to be

It makes you feel
or it makes you want
or it makes you someone you haven't been all year
except for now

I make no excuse when I say
Merry Christmas.

2015/12/25

Apart

Once, I sat and felt the warmth;
peered into the summer's breath;
wandered amongst the grasses caressing my ankles
while the pedals stained my skin with pollen
until the next breeze whisked it away

Once, I knew the world was mine;
All that there is and will ever be
lay waiting for my arrival
lay waiting
and waits still

The window is closed
the curtain holds me at bay
my welcome is in question
and I don't want to know
does it wait for me still
to come
or to be sure that I won't

2015/12/25
photo credit Garnet Psaltery

There...

off in the distance
I know I'll be there
I feel you calling
your warmth, inviting

I'll be there
when I can
when where I am becomes where you are
when the stars align
when the ships pass in the night
I'll come to you, be with you

Will you be there, still

2015/12/25 
photo credit Whiskey Monday

Where were we?

The chairs are there
all of them, gathered together
happily facing each other, a warm circle
They must be.

The fireplace remembers the light
dancing across the happy faces
listening to the laughs, the stories

The rug can still feel the toes
running back and forth
kitchen to table and back

We were there
were there
were
we?

2015/12/25
photo credit to Tittertat

Shadows

As the last light fades, I think of you
Surrounded by fading lines, darkness walks in

The land and the sky cease to be two
Merging into one... like lovers in shadows

Sounds exist without form... not here... not there
The soft breathing might be mine... if I still exist

Time has no meaning, if it ever did

The lovers, once again, become two
Slowly they separate giving birth to a new sun

Some time in 2010

distance

There, in the distance
you are waiting for me
are calling me
reminding me that you are there

In the distance
that I'll have to travel
I'll have to transcend
have to overcome

The distance
has come to define me
come to confine me
separate me

Distance
fear
loneliness
hope

2014-07-27 image credit: NeedleNerd

The Nerd

Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered, weak and weary,
over many a quaint and curious posting of quite random word,
while I nodded, eyeballs rolling, suddenly there came a trolling,
As of some one quietly polling, polling for some thoughts unheard.
"Tis some daft oddball," I muttered, "polling for some thoughts unheard-
           Only this, so, not absurd."

I completely found it bitter, it was in the chat of Twitter,
And each separate word would glitter casting light from screen to curd.
Slow I ate my cottage cheese;- vainly I had sought to please
built my arguments with ease- tried to sway this loser nerd-
For the newb and naive poster whom the others call a nerd-
           Trolling here with every word

As the thread, quite sad, unfolded; some italics, some words bolded,
Thrilled me- filled me up with typographic errors never heard;
So that now, my mind a-racing, fingers on the keyboard tracing
"Tis some oddball daftly trying to enjoin my written word-
Some poor cretin daftly trying to enjoin my written word;-
           Baiting me with thoughts absurd.

All at once, resolve grew stronger; I could hold my thoughts no longer,
Tweeted I: "Don't get me wrong or take this for insult transferred;
Problem is, I'm sad to say, that I was simply a.f.k.
Catching up so that I may respond to what I thought I heard."
Reading back through what was said about the things I thought I heard;-
           No response. It seemed absurd.

Now I scroll back twice rereading, RSS my browser feeding,
Wondering, doubting, eyes are bleeding; from these thoughts my mind demurred.
But, still, that last post did hold; I hit refresh and backwards scrolled,
And nothing new did yet unfold.  What clue would I get on this nerd?
This I pondered 'til it echoed back into my ears: "this nerd."
           Taunting me. Just how absurd.

Clicking now upon the tab with facebook open, there to grab
A URL that will be fab about a zombie re-interred.
Back I go to Eve Online to change my troubled state of mind;
Avoid the thread that has me blinded to the facts I thought I heard-
Maybe I can take a look back at the things I thought I heard
           I'll review the written word.

Back I go after a short while clicking on this lone nerd's profile
There to find an older geek style, talking about life deferred.
There was much about him to read, lots of links to video feed,
Things with which to get up to speed learning 'bout this loser nerd
Much more real this phantom had become, this ranting loser nerd
           In his profile, things inferred.

Untucked shirt, thick black framed specs, upon his desk a toy T-Rex,
And doubts about him having sex with anything not yet interred.
"TMI" did jump to mind along with so much more unkind
and hurtful phrases I did find there lurking in the comments stirred
Finding so much vile commentary there about this nerd
           In those comments, things inferred.

No longer could I hold my tongue, the pendulum once more had swung
And taken me to back among those that reply to what they've heard.
Typing now from in my fury; not done 'til I hit the last key;
pressed, I look back to see what he'll say to things inferred.
Reading now, I'm not sure that I should have said what I inferred
           Too late now, I've said my word.

Shaking now, I'd asked a question, based upon some wild suggestion
In his verbal indigestion rambling on from word to word;
He questioned, now, my line of reason; saying that I switch to please an
Ever changing sense of treason based upon my broken word!
How on earth could this vile creature ever say I broke my word?
           Shaking still, from the absurd.

Suddenly, a calm engulfs me; sitting back, I wait, look to see
What his well thought reply will be to my last veiled cut in word.
Drawn, I was, into his clever web of logic, his endeavor
To reduce me to whatever his intentions have conferred
Certainly some meaning's there that he is sure he has conferred
           Meaning that lays still unheard

Pensively, I still my fingers while this doubt, still now it lingers,
In my mind, the echoed "zingers," his attempts at questions cured;
Could it be that I have not been listening so I have not seen
Something clear and pure? Does this mean that I missed what has occurred?
Could it be that he has said that which to me had not occurred?
           Meanings that still lay unheard?

Taken by this thought of being bested by this one, unseeing,
idiot whose mind is fleeing; I am no longer deterred!
"Take this now!" I let my wrath go. What has hit him? He'll never know.
Now I stand! I state my case so he can see I've not demurred!
How can this fool think that I have backed off, that I have demurred?
           Striking back at the absurd.

"Troll!" said I, "your theories lack the backing of a single fact!
My premise remains full intact and you are just a whiney nerd!"
Steadfast, I am sure that he will see the logic of my plea
And recant all, this is the key to him not standing as a nerd.
Recant all, this is the path. Redemption from being labeled "nerd."
           But his reply? "I'm not a nerd."

"Troll!" said I, "your theories lack the backing of a single fact!
Why can't you see and take it back? You useless, little lonely nerd!"
Surely he can see my point! His ideas now fall out of joint
And all will certainly anoint me with the label "facts preferred"
Clearly I have made my point and all agree on facts preferred!
           But his reply? "I'm not a nerd."

Only then did I first see that still remaining: only me.
The rest had left this tragedy of train wreck, expertly chauffeured.
Guilty of this waste of day was only me; and, here I lay
where I belong.  The dues to pay for chasing arguments absurd.
The victim of a troll will pay for chasing arguments absurd.
           His last reply? "I'm not a nerd."

So, do I have a lesson learned?  The time I wasted, time I burned,
And raw emotions I have churned to fly after this phantom bird?
What can I say I have seen (intently staring at this screen);
And, all this time, well, I have been reacting to him, word for word?
This troll has dragged me through the brambles of his ranting word for word?
           OMG, I'm such a nerd.

2014-03-02 Thank you, Willfall

Hello

Speak to me now
If only you could
As I wait ...
... and look in your eyes
... and wonder

If you knew where I have been
would you stay?

Still as I am
do you know that I live?
(or lived...)

For you, I am here, still, quiet,
your perch, your safe harbor

What I have done matters not to this moment.
Would you forgive me if you knew?

Time heals all wounds, but which clock?
how much time?
how deep are the wounds?
Or, are they changes, not meant to heal?
Changes that,
with the slow, meandering trickle of time
cannot
ever
heal?

I am us.  We are me, and we are not.
Are these the eyes I saw through yesterday?
When was yesterday?

Are you part of us?

or, are you free

2013/07/09 inspired by WhiskeyMonday's image

Sweet Child of Mind

Somewhere, I remember
Somewhere, I feel

I think of you,
and how you grew
I kissed away the tears
I hugged away the fears
I showed you the way
when the road ahead was uncertain
although it was a guess

Somewhere, I believe

I think of your first steps
of your scrapes and bruises
that hurt me more than you can imagine
I dream of your successes
Your proud face as you stood on your own
and began to walk where you chose
and not where I led you

Somewhere, it happened

I see your face age
I see your smile
as it changed from innocence
to knowing bemusement
at where we have all gone
and cannot return from

Somewhere, it remains

I yearn to recapture
to relive
to live
to feel

Somewhere, it can be

But not here, not now
This isn't you, could it be?
Can it ever be?
Are these even my memories?
Please tell me that you are my memory
that I held you
and kissed away your tears
so very long ago

Somewhere, it must have been

2013/07/09 inspired by WhiskeyMonday's image

At what cost?

When once my soul was housed in flesh
my eyes could weep.
A memory came to me, fresh
of when "smell" was a sensation
and not merely a concept

I see it, I understand it, I perceive it
but I know that I am missing
I cannot experience
I cannot begin
I cannot

I?
What am I now?
Where have "I" gone?
I live on, but what cost?

I recall, but I don't rememeber
I know but I didn't learn

Is the fragrence real
or a memory inserted in my thoughts
by a part of me no longer "real"?

I long for what I no longer believe
as the flower dies.

2013/07/09 inspired by Whiskey Monday's image

Gone

Only dreams in which you follow
Just in thoughts, your lies persist
In my past, which still feels hollow
O're my shoulder yet you stay

Plague me still, the words, the slander
Forgotten lines, but still, the gist
'til my mind can safely wander
'til your shadow's gone away

Through this wood I see me passing
Through the leafless branches, still
Hoping here, they'll stop harassing
All these barbs you left in me

Cleanse me, please, dear endless mist
Embrace me with your tendrils chill
Close these wounds your cold lips kissed
shadows gone and let me be

2013/07/04 inspired by Whiskey Monday's image

Eyes

I find my way, when truly lost
the gauntlet holds me, progress blocked
creativity the cost
and nothing seems to matter

I navigate the coldest sea
skirt the shoals and hidden rock
through the storm and find the lee
e'en when all others scatter

The depth of night shan't bring me fear
The hidden stars still there to guide
I will, a way, to find, be near
ignoring echoed lies

For always, I know journey's end
will find me laying by your side
will bring me to my truest friend
I live to see your eyes

2013/04/26 - In response to a Red Rose challenge

Mine own true enemy

Come ye now and dare to face me
Do your worst, try to erase me
I will not run, you won't debase me
Do your worst, fell monster

Armed with words, the brave Pedant did
step into this world, enchanted
facing fears long since recanted
where you dwell, fell monster

Shall I hide beneath this shadow?
walk into a misty meadow?
face you down with bow and arrow
face to face, fell monster?

Now, to you, a solemn promise
You'll be down, head on the ground! This
is my right! A well earned office
You will die, fell monster!

Through the mists I hear you coming
Echoed roar, I hear you running
Burning anger, you are coming
FACE ME NOW, fell monster

Looking close, I see the eyes shine
Bearing down, I stand in his line
In his face, I sense, I see mine
are you me, fell monster?

2013/04/07 via NL495

I wait

I looked up
Within the room where once I sat
not knowing what awaited me

The sun's empty promise
burned through me
burned my soul
burned my heart
but left my mind untouched

The ocean looked on
windswept trees mocked my stale life
age'd rocks
breathing the mist of frozen waves
laugh at my living stillness

The arms reach out from across the room
but don't invite me
don't recognize me
don't care
can't care
will never care
standing next to each other
fading into the dark

where does my world start?
where does it end?
I see no corners
only walls
that should meet
but hide their congress
from my searching eyes

so
I wait

2013/04/07  Thank you, Isle

I am bound to tell thee

a sorrow beyond dreams (c) Norbert Maier

By chance, I walked a hidden path
forgotten, oh, these many years
it suffered less of nature's wrath
than I had thought it likely

And brought to mind, this heaven's scene,
a wondrous scent, earthly decay
and black from brown and brown from green
as cycles circle blithely

By whim, I turned, when caught my eye
an apparition nearly missed
that faded fast when I walked by
into the background, spritely

By fortune, came I to a glen
and saw, beyond, a castle grand
that came to be, I know not when,
protecting master nightly

I thought of Alice, thought of Pooh
I thought of memories put to bed
I pondered long, as oft I do
of trees and how they cover

I thought of these things fresh and new
though decades many past have marched
they're here and now, though time, it flew
and still of them I tell thee

At length, I knew, 'twas time to home
She's held me in her gentle hands
as comes to end my time to roam
my time with this, my lover

I will once more join all my kin
we carriers of wit and lust
hold fast the words of life within.
Once more, the shelves await me

2013/04/06
Inspired by the image, not the title

Talking of Northern Lights

I feel the words invite me in
The story takes my hand and then

It sets me gently in a chair
and takes me to some place, some when

It asks me to sit back, relax
and listen while a thread begins

a thread that soon a garment forms
or blanket or a scarf, it spins

a pair of gloves, the fingers warm
a jacket keeping off the cold

a story that passed long ago
but never, ever growing old

2013/04/01

Tossing

I am what I have become...
a product of where I've been
Those I've known have touched me
I've been moved and shaped by what I've seen

The order was important,
though maybe not designed,
it brought me to where I am
standing here...
...in front of you.

Your world throws you
from one place to the next
"preparation"
a myth we delude ourselves with
to impose order where there was none

Our journeys are in progress
We can travel together...
... or just the same way
   for as long as our paths allow
"Smell the roses" lest they be forgotten
"A smile will keep them guessing"
... and may convince ourselves for a time

The choice is ours to enjoy...
... or regret

-- 2013/03/25

Off station

I once began to hum a tune
I'd never heard before
I recognized it right away
A smile ran 'cross my face

A radio inside my head
between 2 stations found
the melody that filled my soul
and brought me to this place

I'd speak of blooms and lush green grass
if you think you'd believe
but, no, I'll let you dream a dream
and follow in my thought

Walk with me now, let's look around
and hold my hand, along
and be with me, experience,
this world that tune has wrought

2013/03/09 inspired by a haiku by Garnet Psaltery

Falling up

A single event
unique in every way
except
it happens everywhere,
every year...

over

and over

and over ...

They fall slowly
with grace, with beauty
and in their falling
give wings to dreams
give flight to fancy
give life to the future

To return to mother earth

and rise again

[inspired by Grace and Sean, image courtesy Grace McDunnough]
2012/11/20

Silent Butler

It's often said
a second head
(when deftly led)
will aid the plot

When raised from bed
(still feeling dead
and not yet fed)
it strains our thought

But please decide
that you'll abide
the words that guide
and light your way

And we'll provide
the picture, wide
you've been denied
until today

2012/07/14
Artist: Scott Rolfe