real me?

I try to fit in with those who criticize me
I want to believe that I'm worth being here
I create a persona, a face that helps hide me
so I can walk down the hall hiding my fear

I know that I have things to say that are meaningful
things that won't make any sense to your ears
It gets very lonely to walk in my footsteps
surrounded by chuckles and chortles and jeers

You smile when I walk in the room where you're standing
you chuckle to see me look like I belong
what right do I have to be, oh, so demanding
to hope that you will be my friend?

Did it make you feel better when I made the dumb faces
Did it make you feel bigger when I made stupid jokes
all the laughs and derision were good to erase this
the fact that you don't understand

When I spoke my true mind you refused to believe
that my words could hold meaning if you cannot see
I reinvented myself just to live and decieve
knowing full well you don't understand



It hurts less to be laughed at for making stupid faces and dumb jokes than being scorned for saying things that go over everybody's heads.
That way, people are laughing at something that you invented instead of rejecting the real you.

2009/10/04